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Hello to everyone in the adoption triangle. My name is Kathy Hoover (Maiden Name Miller) and I am an adoptee. When I was a little girl I thought that I was the only adoptee around. My adoptive parents told me that I was adopted when I was about five years. old, they also would tell me that I was special because I was chosen. When I would tell my friends they would tease me. As I got older I decided the word's adoption and adoptee were bad words. One year in second grade the teacher wanted the class to do family tree's. I told her that I couldn't do the assignment because I didn't have a family tree. The teacher called my parents for a conference, they explained to her that I was adopted then they told me that I did have a family tree. That their family was mine. To this day I still feel like I have no roots, theirs or those of my birth parents.
In 1986 I decided to search for my birth parents. I started by joining a search and support group (Search Finders of California). When I went to my first meeting, I was so scared because I didn't know what to expect. I never thought that I would find anyone. I had a copy of my finial decree of adoption, and on their was the name that I was given at birth. My birth name was Ann Simpson. When I saw the name I assumed that Simpson was my birth mothers last name. After searching for leads with the last name Simpson I started to become discouraged. Then I went to the Alameda County Court House to look at the birth indexes, and found my birth name along with the last name of my birth mother.Now I know that Simpson was my birth father's name. Even though I had a copy of my finial decree of adoption, I wanted another copy. I want back to the Alameda County court House where the adoption was finalized, and asked for the copies. The clerk behind the counter told me that I could not have it. When I asked her why, she said that I had no rights to these papers. She said that the only people who could get the papers was the attorney who handled the adoption or my adoptive parents, this made me vary angry. So when I went home I called my adoptive mom and asked her if she would go down with me to get the papers, she said yes. When we went down the next day, my adoptive mother asked for the papers they said it would be $0.50 a copy. I gave them a check, and they handed her the papers, I took them from her, and practically ran out of the building. I got into my car and locked the doors. As I started reading the papers, I found that they didn't black out the identifying information like they told us they were going to do. Right their in black and white was my birth mother's name.
I wasn't ready for the flow of emotions that came with her name. As I sat in the car looking at this name I started crying, and thinking to myself now what, where do I go from here. The search group that I had joined was a big help, I could talk to other adoptee's with the same fears and questions.
After getting my birth mothers name, it took about two weeks to find her. A friend of mine who was my biggest support and went with me to every meeting, was the one who found her. My birth mother's name is Marion Evelyn Emery. One day when my friend Mary Ellen was at work she was talking to a co-worker and telling her about me and the search that I was doing. When she told her co-worker my birth mothers name, the lady said that she know a person with that exact name who worked at a local hospital. That night after Mary Ellen came home from work she called me and told me about her conversation with her co-worker. The next day Mary Ellen and I went to voters' registration and looked up her name. We found her name and address. Mary Ellen and I drove over to her house, the first time we went by their was no car in front of the house. The second time we went by a car was their. I stopped the car in front and just starred at it. While sitting in the car, a woman came over and ask if she could help us. I told her that I was looking for Marion Evelyn Emery, she said that's me. I thought my heart was going to stop, my mouth just dropped open, I did not know what to say. It felt like forever. I started by telling her That my name was Kathy L. Hoover (My Married Name) I was born on June 30, 1965, in Los Angeles, CA., at St. Ann's Maternity Home. Then I said I think your my mother-I expected her to say no she wasn't and that I had the wrong person, but she said yes I am. She invited us into her house.
The future is a work in progress. Just met my Aunt in August 1997, who only found out about me in 1996. My grand parents and I have a good relationship. I keep in touch with my birth mother, but she still has a hard time with all of this. I plan to add to this future, and maybe some day the whole family will get together. I still have three cousins that I have never met, and I don't even know if they were told about me. The future holds many new experiences for all triad members.
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